


When is it too much?... hmmm never!

by Nixy_x



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: BAMF Stiles, Bottom Stiles Stilinski, Laughing my arse off, M/M, Mission impossible theme song, My have done this to someone, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Top Derek Hale, Virgin Stiles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-26
Updated: 2015-09-25
Packaged: 2018-01-20 19:35:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1523051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nixy_x/pseuds/Nixy_x
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once more into the fray<br/>Into the last good fight I'll ever know<br/>Live and die on this day<br/>Live and die on this day</p><p>Stiles wants nothing more than for Derek to notice him, and he's willing to go full ninja turtle to get what he wants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Delivery for Mr. Hale

**Author's Note:**

> I just had to do it. No regrets. Happy reading : )
> 
> All mistakes are my own, I just could not get this out of my head.

''Hello, this is joey's pizza parlour how can I help you?''

''Hey there, I'd like to order 1 extra large custom pizza please, with pepperoni, pineapple, anchovies, garlic, sausage, olives, jalapeños and tuna.''

''Sir that's a rather strange choice of toppings, are you sure you would like to place that order?''

''Oh yes I am sure!''

''Ok that'll be $18.90 sir, may I take the delivery address.''

Stiles couldn't help with excited bubble of glee that escaped his mouth after he paid and ended the call. After days of research he finally had his plan formed and ready for action. He was determined to get a reaction out of Derek grumpy-ass-sourwolf Hale. Even if it killed him, which come on, with their history of threats and violence was more than likely.

Phase 1 of the plan was now under way and he counted roughly 27 minutes before he got a call from the devil wolf himself. He had his argument ready and waiting, because honestly, honestly, Stiles was only trying to be nice in ordering his Alpha a lovely large pizza and because he had no idea what Derek liked on his pizzas, well he of course had to get a little bit of everything, just to be safe. 

Figuring he was safe for a little while yet Stiles decided to get in a quick shower before it all blew up. Shedding his grey sweats he padded his way to the bathroom and looked at himself in the full length mirror. Pale milky skin check. Random scattering of dark chocolate moles check. 

Those things never changed but he had to admit, his build had changed somewhat over the past year, he had more definition in his muscles, he was still no way near as built as Derek or Scott, but he had a toned fitness to his frame. 

Stiles still thought he was slightly to slim but lacrosse and running for his life had slowly started to make a difference. Never having the patience or will power to attend a gym regularly, he contented himself with occasional morning runs and evening push-ups. 

He liked how he was, hair slightly longer too. Long enough to grip in the throws of passion as a certain chiselled Greek god pounded him from behind. The thought alone was enough to send a zing of pressure straight to his groin, he watched as his cock slowly started to fill and swell, balls hanging heavy between his legs. 

He allowed himself this moment to let his imagination run free, he let himself fall into the fantasy of what he wished would happen this night. Derek receiving the pizza, trying in vain to persuade the delivery boy with scowls and grunts that he neither ordered or wanted the pizza, but taking it non the less.

He imagined the wolf's sensitive nose being assaulted by the pungent odour of too many mixed flavours, watching in his head as he chucked if from his balcony to the dark streets below.

Oh how he wished that Derek would storm over in a fit of rage to growl and threaten him as he had grown to love, even before this Stiles had seen how Derek reacted to him, saw how his pupils would blow as he caught the smell of lust on Stiles' body.

Stiles had long since tried hiding his body's reactions to Derek, he wasn't ashamed, hell everyone knew exactly how he felt, everyone except Derek of course, it didn't matter how many hints were dropped, how many innuendos were made, Derek remained ever oblivious.

So now was the time for more drastic measures. A plan of epic proportions, ok maybe not epic but damn well close. The only factor being whether Derek would laugh and kiss him or growl and maim. Most likely the latter but Stilinski's were nothing if not optimistic. 

Smirking, he stepped under the shower, sighing as the hot streams danced over his skin, he had plenty of time to enjoy this. He made quick work of his hair so he could move on to the more interesting part. 

Pulling out his shower gel he poured a generous amount into his palm, the fact that it was the same as Dereks was purely coincidental, he let his fingers graze over his skin, feeling each dip and plane of muscles. The sparse trail of hair running from his belly buttom down to his fully hard cock. He let one hand fondle his balls as the other tweaked and pinched his nipple.

Hissing at the sting he finally took his aching cock in hand, stroking the shaft with nimble fingers, he'd like to say he'd become an expert in the art of self satisfaction, he knew his body well and tonight he would take full advantage.

Bracing his legs apart he slipped his hand over the wet skin of his behind, squeezing and kneading the firm flesh, teasing himself with dipping caresses into his crack but straying away from the tight entrance. Over the past few weeks he'd seriously considered getting himself a toy, but the thought of staying nice and tight for his first time with Derek well outweighed the pros. He did however allow himself the slip of a few fingers now and then, imagining they were Derek's thick fingers pumping in and out and not his own.

As his finger grazed over the pucker he bit down on his lip as he moaned in pleasure, god he loved this and couldn't wait till he had the real thing buried deep inside him.  
Stiles shook with the pleasure as his orgasm started to coil deep in his belly, his hand a constant stroking pleasure on his cock as his other dove deep to find his sweet spot, bracing his forehead against the cool tiles he inserted another finger and it was like fireworks went off behind his eyes, both hands working together in a flurry of movement to bring him to that perfect moment, and it came in an explosion of bright colours and sensations, his head thrown back and mouth open as he shot string after string of hot pearly come into the tiles in front. His moans and whimpers surrounding him and the whisper of 'Derek' echoing off the walls.

***

What Stiles didn't expect however was to have Derek waiting on his bed with said Pizza in hand looking flushed and embarrassed. He did manage though to nearly knock himself out on his desk, and failed miserably at trying to maintain hold of his towel whilst regaining his composure, the towel pooling at his feet as Derek attempted to heroically save his life.

It felt as though Derek's hands were burning into his skin, he was holding on that tight, eye contact never wavering.

For once is Stiles was speechless, his confidence starting to waver as his mouth started opening and closing like a fish out of water. ''Um...I-I...umm''

Finally letting go of him Derek to two slow steps back, eyebrows meeting his hairline and a look of pure annoying amusement on his face. Stiles scrambled quickly to pick up his towel and settle it firm around his hips. ''What are you doing here?'' He asked wincing slightly as he voice cracked.

''As if you don't know...'' Derek returned with a small smile.

''Errr... you've come to thank me? Tell me how awesome I am?'' Stiles watched as Derek huff out what he think was laughter (point 1 to Stiles).

''Hardly... I came to give back this... well ridiculous excuse for a pizza.''

''Hey...'' Stiles mock offend holding his hand to his heart. ''A lot of though and pride went into that pizza and I think It was a work of Art... I mean come on there has to be a topping on there that you like?''

Derek opened his mouth then shut it with a click, looking in succession between Stiles and the pizza. 

''That's what you call that thing... a work of Art? and yes there are numerous toppings that I like... however not at the same time...''

''Did you even try it?'' Stiles challenged folding his arms, let history be told that even though he may not have a strong stomach when it comes to blood and gore, he did however have a stomach of steel when it came to food, he could eat any concoction thrown at him and live to tell the tale.

Derek squinted his eyes at him, Stiles knew that the wolf in him would never back down from a challenge.

''Ok Stiles I'll make you a deal... If and I mean IF you manage to eat a slice without throwing up then I'll eat the rest AND buy you the Grimoire you've been eyeing on line.''  
Stiles couldn't believe his luck, why had he never though about this before, a challenge of the edible variety was a sure thing for him, he made a show of considering the offer. And with a look of put on resignation he agreed to the deal, his inner evil super villain cackling away at in his chair of doom.

In not time at all Stiles had hovered the slice off pizza down and was wiping his finger on the damp towel, a sickly sweet grin plastered to his face.

Derek however looked ready to explode, his mouth hanging open in astonishment as Stiles walked over to his bed and laid back with ease pulling his computer onto his lap.

''Make sure you get the book of Dark spells, not the one on runes. I want to be prepared as possible for anything that can come our way... Derek are you listening to me?'' 

I took everything Stiles had not to burst out laughing, Derek hadn't moved from his spot, high spots of colour on his cheek as the realisation hit him that for once he, the weak and fragile human, had beat him, the big bad wolf. Derek viably shook himself and sauntered over towards him, all graceful movements and rippling muscles, he braced his hand on either side of his head, effectively caging him in.

Stiles took this moment to study Derek, the beautiful flecks of gold and amber in his stunning blue eyes, the perfect 5 o'clock stubble that would leave the most delicious burn on his skin, Derek's eyes flickered down to Stiles' lips and for a nerve racking moment he was sure that Derek was going to kiss him but instead he simply whispered ''This isn't over'' before disparaging out the window, pizza in hand.

A huge grim spread itself across his face ''Oh this is so on...''

Stiles may or may not have spend the rest of the night moaning in pleasure.


	2. Post-it perfection.

No one could say that Stiles was nothing if not resourceful, he prided himself in researching every element to a plan, considering each angle, every possible outcome, this over obsessive mind defiantly aided him in his scheme to get Derek to crack.

He would start the most epic prank war to ever grace the streets of Beacon Hills. Generations would write about his majestic artistry.... Ok yeah maybe not. This was almost as big as his 10 year plan to win the love of the Queen of hearts herself, the goddess that is Lydia Martin, except this was more like a 10 day plan and he actually had a teeny tiny possibility of actually winning Derek's heart. Or so he hoped.

He knew now that what he had felt for Lydia was admiration more than love, he realised that he'd been inlove with the idea of her and what they could have been together. It had dawned on him a while ago that even though she now loves him as a friend she never would have been the right person for him, he needs someone he can be himself with, who can sass and snark back just as good as stiles can give it. 

That's why he knew when he met Derek that he was a goner, yeah ok at first he did frighten the living daylights out of him, and he did fear for his life on more than one occasion but stiles had been just as bad in the beginning, for Gods sake he accused derek of killing his sister.

Stiles just wished that he could take all of that heaping bulk of man pain and get Derek to smile a bit more because and holy God Derek had a beautiful smile, it made Stiles go weak at the knees and come up with delicious thoughts of what other faces he could make, on more than one occasion Stiles found himself growing hard thinking about what Derek's o face looked like. His rapidly emptying bottle of lube could testify to that.

Stiles had done the most ridiculous victory dance the day his new grimour was delivered. He never truly thought that Derek was going to get it for him. It was $800 after all. Surely that meant that Derek felt something for him, he had never gotten expressive presents like that for the rest of the pack.

Stiles had unwrapped the fragile and secure packaging with the goofiest smile on his face , the same smile that was threatening to split his face in half even now.

"What are you so happy about?"

Stiles jumped at the sound of his father's voice, not even realizing the elder Stilinski had been watching him for some time.

"What? Nothing! I'm not?" Stiles had never been the best of liars and having a sheriff for a father didn't help things either.

"Who are you trying to convince?.... look whatever it is please tell me it's not illegal?"

"Umm defiantly... most likely... possibly not..."

John just sighed and rubbed a hand over his tired eyes.

"Just please don't break anything"

Stiles slapped a hand against chest in mock indignation.

"Would I? How could you think that of your only son?"

"I will not dignify that question with an answer"

Stiles was about to follow his father when there was a knock on the door.

"I'll get it, I'll get it..."

Stiles tried to reign in his excitement as he tore the door open, snatching his parcel out the poor post man's hands.

"Yes yes it's here finally..."

John stood studying his son as he ripped the box apart causing a cascade of 1000s of pads of sticky notes to tumble onto the floor.

"Sticky notes?" John had been surprise by alot of things stiles had done, but getting so excited over a box of sticky note was even beyond him.

"I'm going to bed"

Stiles had zoned out as soon as the box was open, finally finally he could commence part 2 of his master plan.

···

Derek was going to kill him, this was such a bad idea, but it was too late now he'd already done it. Now all he could do was stand back and watch.

He's not sure what exactly had possessed him to use the camero in part of his prank. It had seemed like such a good idea at first. To cover his beautiful black car in 1000s of sticky notes, with the colours possibly creating the shape of a giant spurting cock along the side. God it had seemed like such a good idea 

Stiles was currently sitting in his jeep a good few 100 yards away from Derek's loft, binoculars in hand, awaiting the moment Derek returned from his run to see his beautiful shiny black car... defiled. There was no other word for it, he had blasphemed against the car gods. 

He was moments away from getting out the car and removing 2 hours worth of work when derek came jogging up the side walk. Tight black t-shirt clinging to his body and light sheen of sweat glistening on his neck and arms, and wow was Derek in basketball shorts a sight to behold. That image was forever seared on his brain, if nothing came of this at least he had spank bank material for the rest of his life. 

Derek came to a slow stop next his car and even from a distance there was no mistaking the red flush that over took his face and disappeared under the collar of his shirt.

Stiles watched as derek ran his hand over the white post it's notes that made up the squirting spunk at the end of the cock, stiles' cock most definitely didn't chub up when derek bit his lip. Oh this is so on, if just the image of a cock was enough to make derek blush and squirm then he was about to get the shock of his life.

Stiles chuckled to himself as derek started snapping pictures of his artwork, he felt his phone chime at the incoming text alert.

"I guess i have you to thank for this"

"I will not admit to anything.."

"I can tell you're lying even from here"

"I want a lawyer"

"they can't protect you from what I'm going to do"

"haha kinky ;)"

"This means war!"

"Bring it on Der-bear!"

Stiles spent the ride home planning his next phase of attack hopefully something a little more... hand on.


End file.
